As teachers, we’ve all been there – a student storms up after class, argumentative and accusatory about their grade. Or maybe there’s a parent emailing, and he or she is pretty angry! However it manifests, confronting someone’s displeasure over a grade you’ve assigned can be tough terrain to navigate.
It’s hard to know what to do, but so long as you approach it with professionalism and empathy, you should be okay. The student or parent might not end up 100% happy, but you can DEFINITELY make this better if you know what to say.
It’s understandable for students and parents to feel frustrated, disappointed, or confused when a grade on an assignment, quiz, or test doesn’t match what they thought it should be or what they hoped for. If you can make them feel heard, stay objective, and stay positive, it will help a lot.
Start by hitting pause: suggest they review all feedback and rubrics again and come speak to you again after a cool-down period. Emotions can run high when grades are involved. Giving breathing room for everyone is wise. Recommend the student (or the student and his or her parents) take time to understand exactly where points were lost and why, according to your clear grading criteria. Often, they believe they’ve lost points due to something small that you marked, but when they look at the rubric, they see that that was just a comment you left & not connected to losing any points.
After suggesting that they come back in a day or so after looking over the feedback and rubric again at home, let them know that if they still feel confused, they can schedule a one-on-one conference with you. The students need to learn that having calm, rational discussions with you will help them get where they want to go (perhaps by learning how to do better next time; it’s not that you’re going to change the grade unless that’s warranted); flinging emotional attacks at you will NOT. If they do ask for a conference with you, you may want to come prepared with a document explaining your fair, consistent grading processes and policies. You can walk them through rubric categories and show how you apply the standards evenhandedly and fairly by using rubrics. Emphasize your mindset of coaching toward improvement rather than judgment. (If you want the exact document I use to make sure I’m prepared to explain my grading practices, click here!)
Another important piece of this puzzle is that you, the teacher, need to try your best to clearly communicate that grades are an objective measure of a student’s skills at one point in time – not a reflection of their abilities or worth as a person. Make it clear you don’t negotiate grades due to demands, but you do highly value students’ (and parents’) questions and perspectives. An open yet firm tone is a good way to have a productive dialogue.
(If things get heated, I have found that saying, “Okay, this is not feeling like it’s going to be productive right now. Can we bring this back in, or should we end for right now?” really works. They’ve always decided to lower their temperature and move forward when I’ve said that. If they don’t, however, don’t be afraid to tell them that you’re going to have to bring the meeting to a close, and just tell them that they can discuss the issue further with your principal if they wish.)
If students push back by claiming your grading was subjective or unfair, emphasize your training and experience in accurately evaluating specific skills like analysis, evidence use, clarity and more. For example, I’ve graded literally 1,000s of student essays by now (13 years in!). It doesn’t hurt to mention that! Remind kids that their grades pinpoint areas for growth so they can build important skills for their future; you aren’t giving them grades to punish them. Your depth of care and expertise in providing this kind of feedback to them should be evident, but it doesn’t hurt to remind them that you put in a TON of time giving them feedback to help them, and they can use the feedback to do better next time. It’s never the end if we’re still here to keep learning and growing!
For any lingering confusion, stop and ask clarifying questions to understand the student’s (or parent’s) viewpoint more fully. Seek to find a compromise if possible. (For example, I always allow students to revise or redo assignments one time.) However, hold your ground if it manifests as them angling for an undeserved grade change. You have the pedagogical knowledge to make principled decisions. Don’t undermine yourself and cheapen the whole school endeavor by bending to pressure that isn’t fair or isn’t deserved.
Above all, let students know you’re on their team working toward the same goal – their long-term intellectual development. Diffuse tensions by showing you do understand their feelings, but you need to maintain high expectations & grade accordingly. With empathy and a growth mindset, even heated disagreements over grades can strengthen teacher-student bonds.
By handling disputes calmly and explaining your grading rationale, you reinforce an environment of accountability and academic excellence. What could have devolved into unproductive conflict instead becomes a platform to model perseverance and emphasize how this can be a learning opportunity for them to do better next time!
For more SPECIFIC language around what you can say when students are upset about your grading, you can find my “Dealing with Grade Upset” document HERE.
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